So, I should be doing some homework or something but I wanna finish my thoughts from last night! As I mentioned I am in contact with my father and younger siblings, which has oddly made me giddy and not furious.
The fact that HE is the one that contacted me, made my life! It meant so much to me. I have gone my whole life with "daddy" issues. I have trouble trusting guys but I also seek emotional attachment constantly from guys( I also get attached to easily, because I like stability) and have some extremely harsh abandonment issues. We've all seen this in me; I'm sure of it. I new I had all these things but until he contacted me I couldn't pin point the single reason for it. Even though I have had one amazing DAD (Lou, my step-father) ,I've always had that void. I've felt like it was my fault that he abandon my mom and such.
Now I see that I only improved both of their lives! If it wasn't for me being born my mom may have gone down the wrong path and been with someone who wouldn't make her as happy as my dad makes her. I also see that I made both of the grow up! When I was born they were both still kids but I gave them reason to become who they are today! I am so thankful for my Mom and Dad, I am also thankful of my father. As much as you're probably scratching your head saying "Wtf?" I mean it. If he hadn't left I would probably be worse off. I wouldn't be as strong as I am now. Although he is part of the reason I am weak, I am so much stronger because of him.
I'm thankful for my mom for being there for me whenever I need her. Even though we don't always get along, I love her! After all I do get my good looks from her :-p except my eyes, but that's ok. My mom is the coolest mom on the face of the earth and as much as I may not show it I appreciate everything she has done for me!
I'm thankful for my dad steping up when he never had to. He didn't have to become that father figure. He didn't have to mold me into a smart, witty, and beautiful person! He has Taught me everything from self-defence, to- how to make people look dumb, to- counting to ten in Spanish! He is the reason I am so cultured in life.
It means the world to me to be able to tell these two anything! I love that my parents are so open with me and no matter what they are always here for me! I am always here for them. They have done such an amazing job with me (not to sound coincided.) They may have been tough on me but I know why! I can only hope that my kids feel the same way I feel about them, towards myself and whom ever their father maybe.
Okay so now that my rant is over- enough mushiness for now! I have to go clean a bit and do some homework! :-)
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