Held this in for far to long

I need to get this off my chest. At this point frankly I don't care who reads this: the promise I made to not say anything went out the window when you decided to throw our friendship away.
     At the beginning of October my ex boyfriend decided to magically appear at my door while visiting his dad. He's doing well despite having marital problems. Oh Yea, he's married now. He also has a baby boy (he definitely used a name we picked out in our honeymoon phase but that's neither here nor there.)
     He apologized for his wrong doings in the past and apologized for not speaking to me for over 3 years. We were so natural sitting next to each other. Nothing sexual or too much just my legs on his. It felt right. He even told me he wanted to see if there was still something there. I replied with there will always be something there.  I explained I will always love him and be here for him but he has a family he needs to fix. Whether it be marriage counseling or a divorce. 
     After the visit he decided he was going to go back to not speaking to me. He wanted to leave the past in the past. I didn't expect anything other than said outcome. Of coarse because I'm impossible I will always send the occasional email (like every 7-8 months) to see how he is doing (even though he will never respond) there's always that piece of me that can't stop being there.
    We met when I was 12 and I fell in love when I was 14. We started dating when I was 16 and did so on and off until I was 19.
     I feel his appearance was extremely selfish. He just wanted to see if anything was still there?!?! Are you kidding me? He said he read a status I posted a while ago about how I think about him everyday and decided he would see me at least one last time....like he was dying or something.  You know I'm in love with you and don't stop thinking about you...regardless of my relationships I have now...and you decided to pop in.
     Well, thank you Brian. Thank you for letting me fall back into a slump. Thank you for uncovering the feelings I buried when you first cut me off. Thank you for reminding me of the best years of my life. Thank you for letting me realize how strong my love unfortunately is. Thank you for letting me tell you I miss you. Most of all thank you for letting me know you still think about me and part of you misses me.
     But Fuck you for thinking that it would make me feel better,  having an apology from you. It just hurts worse.
     I truly hope you worked things out with your wife. I hope your baby boy had a wonderful family. I already know he has an amazing dad.
    Just remember I'm an email away if you ever need anything. Even if it's just to vent. But don't ever tell me you love me or miss me unless you're going to back your statements.
   I kept telling everyone I was alright and I wasn't affected by his appearance. I lied. I hid my feelings as hard as possible. I just can't anymore. I'm broken inside and it hurts. I'll be fine I just needed to finally get this off my chest. <3